There's A Difference Between Guys 'n' Gals!

By Tom Morrow

  Not so many years ago I wrote the following as an explanation of how us guys are different from you gals.
  Because I'm a guy, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator. 
   When the car isn't running well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking for. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and stuff, I wouldn't know where to start.' We will then drink beer and lament the good ol' days of basic Ford and Chevy engines. 
   Because I'm a guy, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I languish in bed and moan. You  never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue. 
    Because I'm a guy, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone.  Why would you listen to a complete stranger--how the heck could he know where we're going? 
   Because I'm a guy, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Now, can we just go?"

  GROANER -- A movie producer was planning his next blockbuster -- an action docudrama about famous composers, so he set up a meeting with such noted icons as Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Arnold Schwarzenegger, offering each a chance to select which famous musicians they'd like to portray. 
  "I've always admired Mozart," Stallone said.  "I'd love to play him." 
  "Chopin has always been my favorite," said Van Damme.  "That's the part for me." 
  The producer turned to Schwarzenegger. "And you, Arnold?  Who do you want to 
be?" 
  There was a long silence, then Arnold replied, "I'll be Bach."  

  FINAL WORDS -- In Ruidoso, N.M., you'll find this on a tombstone: "Here  
lies Johnny Yeast, 'Pardon me for not rising.'" 

  Stay tuned...